I don’t like making resolutions. I know I’ll just break them even before the first bud of spring emerges (I’m lucky to last that long). The stress of knowing the inevitable is coming, but not knowing when, is like buying a new car and then waiting anxiously for the first dent to happen. You know some wing nut is out there, driving 70 mph down the freeway, texting his lawyer about his last car accident, just waiting for the right moment to slide into your pristine Subaru wagon.

So this year, to avoid all that nasty suspense, I’m just going to take a hammer to the bumper right off the bat. My resolution is that I’m not going to make a resolution. However, now I will break that resolution by saying my real resolution is that I’m not going to let the jerks I encounter in public get me down. There. Since I’ve already made and broken my primary New Year’s resolution, any that follow after that are not binding (at least in my quirky universe).

With that out of the way, I can now lay out my plan for how I will not let the jerks of 2011 get in my way. Feel free to adopt some of this sage advice for your own rules to live by (or just read on and have a good chuckle).

At the Office

Dealing with jerks in the office is tricky because quite often the biggest jerk you encounter is the person you work for. In this case, it’s counterproductive to use your snappy wit to make your boss look like the goon he/she is. Since I’m a freelancer I’m my own boss, and yes as such I have to admit sometimes I can be a bit of an ass, however, for the most part I’m pretty easy to work with, if I do say so myself.

If, however, I have to deal with work-related jerks in 2011 (boss or otherwise) I vow to just sit back and let the jerk do all the talking with no interruption from me. Nothing reveals a person’s lack of character and integrity more than a heaping helping of self-serving BS dished up for all to hear. ‘Nuff said.

In the Car

We’ve all been there. The Mercedes that won’t let you merge; The Hummer that tailgates you on an icy road; The Honda that slips into the parking spot you’ve been patiently waiting for. These are the jerks you encounter in your car. Nothing sparks a good dose of road rage like being flipped off by some nimrod who illegally passes you on the right in an attempt to beat the yellow light before it turns red.

For these sad accidents waiting to happen I vow in 2011 to just pull over and let them go first. And if one of them gives me the one-fingered peace sign, then I will look at them and politely and mouth “Have a nice day,” with the biggest, sappiest grin I can muster up. I might even wave when we pull up next to each other at the next red light. (You really got so much further ahead by angrily zooming past me, didn’t you?)

In Line at Department Store

This happens to me all the time. I wait in line to pay for something. Finally, it’s my turn. Then the phone rings and the person behind the counter answers the phone instead of helping me next. It’s like the person on the phone just cut in front of me and nobody seems to care.

So the next time this happens I vow to pull out my cell phone, call the store, ask for the department counter at which I’m standing and then when the salesperson puts the current caller on hold to take my call I will politely ask her to take my credit card over the phone so I can pay for my purchase and get the heck out of there, possibly to never return—at least until after I blog and tweet about it.

On the Phone

For me, the only phone jerks I have to deal with are telemarketers and the customer service reps in Bali who can’t pronounce my last name if their lives depended on it. These people aren’t jerks, really, I’m sure at home they’re very nice people. It’s just that they have very annoying jobs.

So in 2011, instead of being ill-tempered to these poor rubes (who are just trying to earn a living), I vow to use the opportunity to try out new material on them. As a writer and comedian I’m always coming up with new ideas, jokes and even routines. If I happen to get stuck on the phone with one of these people (and in the case of customer service, not getting anywhere) then I will try out new jokes to the point at which they hang up on me. I guarantee they’ll put me on their Do-Not-Call list faster than Wells Fargo accumulates interest.

Ah yes, now that I’ve made a New Year’s resolution, broken it, then committed to one that doesn’t really count, I feel like the stress of a resolution has been lifted. Plus, I’ve got some good new rules to live by. And if I decide those little tidbits of altruistic wisdom are just too limiting, well, um…I guess there’s always next year.

When You Start a New Job

The sad truth is most employers can’t afford to cover their employees with 100% health care. In most cases, an employer pays for part or most of an employee’s plan, but then the employee has to also kick in to make up the difference. When you hire on with a new company, be sure to read the company’s health insurance policy from cover to cover. If you don’t understand something, ask your employer to spell it out for you. Typically, an employer health care plan DOES cover general doctor visits and catastrophic care, but usually DOESN’T include extras like dental, vision, chiropractic care, etc. If these things are important to you then often you can include them as extras on your policy, but you’ll have to pay for them.

Also if you or someone in your family has a pre-existing condition, you need to make sure that condition will be covered under your new plan. In fact, check on this BEFORE you quit your old job. And if you like the doctors you’ve been seeing make sure those doctors are covered under your new plan. If not, you may be paying for your doctor visits 100% out of your own pocket.

If You Quit or Are Fired From Your Existing Job

Regardless of the reason you leave a job the COBRA Act of 1985 ensures that you can take your company’s health insurance benefits with you for up to 18 months. Unfortunately, you’ll have to pay 100% of those monthly premiums yourself, but at least you’re covered. This is especially important if you’re going through specific treatment at the time you leave a job, or you want to retain your same health insurance while you look for a new job.

Whatever you do, DO NOT roll the dice and go without health insurance. That’s never a gamble worth taking.

If You’re In Between Jobs

If your employer’s health plan is too expensive for you to continue with on your own, then you need to get some sort of health insurance while you look for work. If you’re married, check to see if your spouse’s plan will cover you, at least for catastrophic care. You may have to pay a little extra, but it probably won’t add up to what you’d pay for your own policy.

If you have to purchase your own health insurance you basically have two options; A PPO (expensive, but covers a lot) or catastrophic care (cheaper, but with less coverage). The one you choose depends upon A) How much money you have to spend on health care, and B) How long you anticipate being unemployed.

A PPO is the closest thing your employer provided you with in terms of health care. Typically, a PPO has a family deductible of anywhere from $1,000 to $5,000 annually and also offers co-pays for doctor office visits and prescription drugs. This means you pay your doctor office co-pay of, for example, $25 per visit, every time you go to your doctor. But after you’ve paid enough medical bills (in a calendar year) to meet your deductible, then the insurance company pays anywhere from 80% to 100% of your remaining medical bills, but only for the rest of the calendar year. After January 1 the slate is wiped clean and you start paying toward your deductible all over again.

A PPO plan is pretty expensive because it covers everything from a cold to cancer. If you know you’re going to be out of work only for a short time, then a PPO may be overkill. Instead, you can go with a catastrophic care plan, which has a very high deductible (usually $5,000 to $10,000), and only covers you for major medical expenses, such as accidents or long term severe illness (like cancer). If you’re healthy, and left without health benefits for a month or less, then a catastrophic care plan may make more sense. It’s way cheaper than a PPO, but still guarantees you won’t lose everything if you happen to have an accident that requires expensive treatment while you’re without employer benefits.

Regardless of your employment status you should NEVER go without health insurance. It only takes something as simple as a hernia surgery or a broken leg to wipe out everything you’ve ever worked for. True, you don’t know if you’ll ever need to go to the doctor while in between jobs, but that’s why they call it insurance – because then you won’t have to worry if you do.

1. Seasonal Work

It’s no surprise that starting the week before Thanksgiving many retail and service industries begin hiring temporary seasonal work, which is what gives the fourth quarter its big employment boost. Chains such as Target and Best Buy, for example, need help everywhere from the stockroom to the sales floor. Plus, catering companies, restaurants, and even florists hire additional wait staff, food prep, and delivery people. And let’s not forget department stores and Salvation Army always need Santas. True, these are not permanent jobs, however, they can lead to long-term work, either with the company that hired you as a temp, or by making contacts through your temp work. (At the very least, it’s extra income over the holidays, and who can argue with that?)

2. Not as Much Competition

Because people have this misconception that companies don’t hire during the holiday season, a lot of would-be new hires give up the job search until after New Year’s Day. Fine. All the better you, who instead of throwing in the towel, redoubles his or her efforts. Don’t get sidetracked by common holiday distractions such as shopping (which you probably can’t afford to do, anyway). Stay focused by devoting a little time everyday (even if it’s just an hour or two) to finding work. If whatever you’ve been doing hasn’t worked, then look for new opportunities that don’t exist any other time of the year, such as…

3. Holiday Parties

Whether you’re employed or not, you’ll undoubtedly be invited to several holiday parties. Instead of being a Grinchy sourpuss who mopes around due to unemployment, put on your best holiday frock and get out there and mingle. Parties are the best way to network and make new business contacts. The environment is non-threatening, everyone’s a little more at ease (especially if they’re drinking, which could NEVER happen in a job interview), and no one has to commit to anything other than having a good time. If possible, convince your employed friends to take you along as a guest to their office holiday parties. The more parties you attend where you hardly know anyone, the better your chances of meeting new business contacts.

4. Use It or Lose It

And finally, if you’re not opposed to consulting work, corporations who use consultants often have to use up their remaining project budgets by the end of the calendar year. If they don’t they run the risk of losing, or getting less, funding for next year. So in an effort to protect their money pots they often hire consultants at the end of the year to burn the last dregs of the project budget. Yes, this is a lot like seasonal temporary work, however, usually you’re in a white-collar environment (like banking, aerospace, or technology development) as opposed to retail sales or wait staff. Plus, you have a much better chance of being hired on as a permanent employee (or as a long-term consultant) if they like you. So don’t pass on the “consultants-only” section of the want ads, jut because you think it can’t sustain you indefinitely. It quit possibly can.

Regardless of how you feel about the holidays, don’t use them as an excuse to quit looking for a job (or a for better job, if you’re currently employed). There are a several job-seeking opportunities that don’t exist any other time of the year. Why let those opportunities go to waste just because you think everyone else is distracted by eggnog and twinkling lights. Because guess what? Turns out they’re not.