Of course, these cries manifest the interracial tension that still simmers under the surface of our national culture. These same cries arise when we see a white person chosen over a black person for a position at work or service in a restaurant. They arise when we see statistics of black opportunities falling and white opportunities rising. Unfortunately, these cries have become auto-pilot responses, too often representing a thoughtless burst of frustration. The truth is, many times, it isn’t racism or discrimination that is responsible for the way things happen. In these circumstances, hurling accusations of racism only breeds resentment and neglects the real issues at hand, leaving them unresolved.

Take the American Idol competition, for example. Statistically speaking, the show is no more discriminatory against African-Americans than it is against Anglo-Americans:

Is Idol biased against African-Americans? If it is, the numbers don’t show it.

It is, however, a different story for Hispanics, Indian-Americans, and Asian-Pacific-Americans. In seven seasons, only five Hispanics have ever made it to the final twelve; none have made it to the top five. Five Asian-Americans have made it to the final twelve; only one has penetrated the top five. Only one Indian American, Sanjaya, has made the final twelve, and he fell short of the top five. If there is racial bias on Idol, it is most likely against these ethnic groups, not African-Americans.

This attitude permeates every sector of our society- school, the workplace, sports, entertainment. Rather than succumb to the thoughtless urge to shout “RACISM!” every time something looks wrong, we need to learn to examine things more objectively with the goal of finding truth instead of blame.

While better contestants are dropping around them like flies, they just stand with that same guilty look on their faces that says, “It shoulda been me.” Their names are infamous: Sanjaya, Kristy Lee, Kevin Covais (a.k.a. Chicken Little), Anthony Fedorov, and the queen of all welcome-overstayers, Diana DeGarmo, who actually made it to the final show versus Fantasia because everyone in her hometown voted a bizillion times. That was just wrong.

Where does this inability to send these sad souls home come from, especially at the expense of abundantly more talented contestants? After turning this question over in my brain for seven seasons, I’ve narrowed it down to one solitary problem: Americans hate feedback. We hate to give it. We hate to receive it. We hate to tell the people we manage that they need to take shorter bathroom breaks. We hate it when the teacher marks up our term papers in bloody red ink. America’s a free country, dang it, and we want to be free from the awkwardness of telling others they need to change.

This, of course, presents us with a problem: people need feedback to improve. If you never tell them what they’re doing wrong, they’ll never get better- kind of like how Paula tells the sucky contestants that she loves them because they just come out and they’re them. It’s no big surprise when they come out the next week and everyone but Paula says, “Oh, wait… no, it wasn’t just bad reception. They really are crappy.”

Don’t be a Paula. Have the guts to give feedback. Check out the five tips below to help you become a better feedbacker:

Remember: feedback = awkward. The awkwardness and defensiveness go way up when other people are around, and your chances of getting positive results drop through the floor. When you have to give feedback, find a private room, corner, closet, etc., to keep them off the defensive.

Find something they do well and mean it. This may seem like pumping them up for a big punch in the stomach, but it’s not. It lets them know you’re their friend and you value the good they have done. Like the first step, this keeps them from becoming defensive and gets positive vibes flowing.

Nothing makes people feel like when they were sixteen and they wrecked their dad’s station wagon like a lecture. Don’t lecture. Bring up specific behaviors and make it short. Don’t attack fuzzy personality flaws. This gives them something tangible to improve on, instead of something they really can’t measure or see. Good example: “The paperwork on your desk is kind of disorganized.” Bad example: “You’re sloppy and void of any sense of personal responsibility.”

Remind them you’re their friend. You didn’t give them feedback because you hate them. You gave it because you want to see them succeed. Tell you appreciate them and think they’re the bomb. Stop short of kissing them and doing cheerleading routine for them.

Follow up. If training is needed, set up a time to get together for training. Help them set goals for improvement. Warning: don’t be overbearing here. Some things don’t require more follow up than a simple ‘How’s it going.’ If they need to work on wearing ties to work, please do not give them a training session on putting on ties.

And, by Hera, if Kristy Lee survives another week, I’ll be forced to rant and rave here in my corner of cyberspace. Don’t make me do that. Come to your senses, America…