And as to where you should stash your money while saving, well, my great grandmother always favored empty coffee cans stored in the back of the pantry, or under a brooding hen in the chicken coup. But since most of us now get our coffee drinks ready made at Starbucks and chickens are something that come shrink wrapped in the meat section of a grocery store, a combination safe stored in the back of the messiest closet in your house is a good option. And yes, there’s always a bank, but since banks tend to favor rich people, and let’s face it if you’re reading this you’re probably not rich, then you might want to talk to an investment professional about alternative ways to earn interest on your little nest egg.

But in the mean time, check out these radical financial aid options. Even if you decide to pass on them (and if you’re smart you will – pass on them, I mean) then I hope they put a smile on your face and spark an even better creative idea on how to save for college tuition in 2011.

1) Sell an Organ

No, I don’t mean a kidney or your liver, if you’re in college you’ll definitely need those for all the beer kegger frat parties you’ll be invited to. Instead, sell a real organ, with a keyboard and everything. One that’s old and worth a lot of money would be good. The trick is to figure out how to come into possession of such an instrument in the first place. You could always wait until your crazy aunt dies and she wills one to you. Or you can comb antique stores looking for an organ (and other old junk) to sell at ridiculous profits.

Or if all else fails, just sell a kidney.

2) Invest in an Independent Film

Preferably one that will make a lot of money like Napoleon Dynamite or The Blair Witch Project. If you want enough cash to go to Harvard, invest in anything that includes a vampire, a cowboy, a vampire-cowboy, or a Hobbit-like magician in search of some talisman that looks like a junky piece of jewelry from K-mart.

On the other hand, avoid the clunkers. Typically anything with Nicholas Cage wielding a machete or any comic book remake NOT starring Jim Carrey or Robert Downey, Jr., is box office poison.

To find the right movie in which to invest attend the Sundance Film Festival in January, wear all black, sport a beret or porkpie hat, carry around a Starbucks coffee cup, and hold your cell phone to your ear even if no one is on the other end. Within 24 hours several indie writer/director/producers will be chatting you up faster than a spider monkey in heat.

3) Eat Less

Food is so overrated. And weren’t you planning on losing a few pounds in 2011 anyway? True, you could eliminate your restaurant dinners and Starbucks coffees (except when you’re at Sundance), but really, do you need three meals a day? Cut back to one or two and then put the rest in your chicken coup (or bank, if you’re going that route). If you need to splurge, there’s always Pillsbury raw cookie dough on a Ritz cracker. Mmm, yummy.

4) Keep Your Day Job and Invest in a Savings Plan

Yes, it sounds old, boring, and tired, but truly, the best way to save for college is to keep some sort of steady job, work hard, and put your money into something as dull as dishwater—like a ROTH IRA or a pre-tuition investment plan at the college of your choice. Doing it this way may not be as fun and glamorous as being an executive producer on an indie movie, or as slimming as giving up Oreos and eating out once a week at The Olive Garden, but it’s the most surefire way to get the college degree of your dreams.

In the end, there are no free rides and no real shortcuts, when it comes to getting through college. It’s hard work. And the best advice anyone can give you is don’t be a slacker, follow through, stay focused, and stop spending money on things you don’t need.

It’s really that simple.

I don’t like making resolutions. I know I’ll just break them even before the first bud of spring emerges (I’m lucky to last that long). The stress of knowing the inevitable is coming, but not knowing when, is like buying a new car and then waiting anxiously for the first dent to happen. You know some wing nut is out there, driving 70 mph down the freeway, texting his lawyer about his last car accident, just waiting for the right moment to slide into your pristine Subaru wagon.

So this year, to avoid all that nasty suspense, I’m just going to take a hammer to the bumper right off the bat. My resolution is that I’m not going to make a resolution. However, now I will break that resolution by saying my real resolution is that I’m not going to let the jerks I encounter in public get me down. There. Since I’ve already made and broken my primary New Year’s resolution, any that follow after that are not binding (at least in my quirky universe).

With that out of the way, I can now lay out my plan for how I will not let the jerks of 2011 get in my way. Feel free to adopt some of this sage advice for your own rules to live by (or just read on and have a good chuckle).

At the Office

Dealing with jerks in the office is tricky because quite often the biggest jerk you encounter is the person you work for. In this case, it’s counterproductive to use your snappy wit to make your boss look like the goon he/she is. Since I’m a freelancer I’m my own boss, and yes as such I have to admit sometimes I can be a bit of an ass, however, for the most part I’m pretty easy to work with, if I do say so myself.

If, however, I have to deal with work-related jerks in 2011 (boss or otherwise) I vow to just sit back and let the jerk do all the talking with no interruption from me. Nothing reveals a person’s lack of character and integrity more than a heaping helping of self-serving BS dished up for all to hear. ‘Nuff said.

In the Car

We’ve all been there. The Mercedes that won’t let you merge; The Hummer that tailgates you on an icy road; The Honda that slips into the parking spot you’ve been patiently waiting for. These are the jerks you encounter in your car. Nothing sparks a good dose of road rage like being flipped off by some nimrod who illegally passes you on the right in an attempt to beat the yellow light before it turns red.

For these sad accidents waiting to happen I vow in 2011 to just pull over and let them go first. And if one of them gives me the one-fingered peace sign, then I will look at them and politely and mouth “Have a nice day,” with the biggest, sappiest grin I can muster up. I might even wave when we pull up next to each other at the next red light. (You really got so much further ahead by angrily zooming past me, didn’t you?)

In Line at Department Store

This happens to me all the time. I wait in line to pay for something. Finally, it’s my turn. Then the phone rings and the person behind the counter answers the phone instead of helping me next. It’s like the person on the phone just cut in front of me and nobody seems to care.

So the next time this happens I vow to pull out my cell phone, call the store, ask for the department counter at which I’m standing and then when the salesperson puts the current caller on hold to take my call I will politely ask her to take my credit card over the phone so I can pay for my purchase and get the heck out of there, possibly to never return—at least until after I blog and tweet about it.

On the Phone

For me, the only phone jerks I have to deal with are telemarketers and the customer service reps in Bali who can’t pronounce my last name if their lives depended on it. These people aren’t jerks, really, I’m sure at home they’re very nice people. It’s just that they have very annoying jobs.

So in 2011, instead of being ill-tempered to these poor rubes (who are just trying to earn a living), I vow to use the opportunity to try out new material on them. As a writer and comedian I’m always coming up with new ideas, jokes and even routines. If I happen to get stuck on the phone with one of these people (and in the case of customer service, not getting anywhere) then I will try out new jokes to the point at which they hang up on me. I guarantee they’ll put me on their Do-Not-Call list faster than Wells Fargo accumulates interest.

Ah yes, now that I’ve made a New Year’s resolution, broken it, then committed to one that doesn’t really count, I feel like the stress of a resolution has been lifted. Plus, I’ve got some good new rules to live by. And if I decide those little tidbits of altruistic wisdom are just too limiting, well, um…I guess there’s always next year.