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College football has had a wacky season. But not as wacky as the people who show up to root their teams on to victory or bitter defeat. I’m talking about fans. In their myriad of forms, they flock to stadiums, bars, or big-screen TVs to scream, shout, curse, sing, or just politely clap. Away from football, they are business professionals, blue collar workers, artists, someone’s brother, sister, parent or grandparent. Once under the influence of the gridiron, however, they turn into a rabid mob. At their best, football fans have been known to propel their team to a win. At their worst, fans have been known to break store windows, overturn cars, and get friendly with police in riot gear.

College football just wouldn’t be the same without the fans. In the next few weeks, this unusual season will build to a hopefully exciting climax. To those who will find themselves surrounded by this endearing breed this weekend, I provide this guide to five types of college football fans:

The Barbarian - Regardless of their background, the Barbarian forgets all social mores and loses any sense of tolerance once the opening kick-off is airborne. The game is in play, and the Barbarian launches into a four-quarter tirade making full use of every available piece of profanity, defamation, or insult that they can recall under the influence of the 12-pack they consumed before the game.

When words won’t do, the Barbarian has no qualms about throwing projectiles, anything from paper airplanes to beer cans to themselves, down onto the field at incompetent officials or players. At their most extreme, the Barbarian actually thinks they’re down on the field.

Because of their aggressive nature, the Barbarian is best observed from a distance, like from the other side of stadium, out of range of their projectiles, spit, or any other potentially dangerous fluids. For the patient, the Barbarian has usually exhausted their venom by the fourth quarter and may leave the game, sit down in a morose stupor, or just collapse in an unconscious pile. Until this happens, give the Barbarian their space for your own safety.

The Sideshow - For most fans, a pair of jeans and a team sweatshirt is good enough to show their team spirit. But not for the Sideshow. The Sideshow makes their spirit known by stripping their shirt, even in crisp fall weather, and painting their skin. They may also wear costumes, capes, masks, wigs, or, on the opposite extreme, nothing at all. The Sideshow comes to show support and to catch some air time.

Thankfully, the Sideshow is mostly harmless. They’re at the game to have fun and be gawked at. With their outrageous antics, they can energize an entire section and entertain during lulls in the game. Seeing indecent Sideshows get apprehended and hauled off by police can be a special added bonus. My only caveat: don’t stand to close to the naked ones.

The Devoted - For these fans, college football is not mere sport nor is it a way to show school spirit. It goes beyond even personal. No, for the Devoted, their team is their religion. You can make fun of their mom, their spouse, or their country. But if you insult their team in any way, well, you might as well get a passport, change your name, or get used to living in some obscure corner of the world.

The Devoted can be easily recognized by the religious zeal in their eyes when their team wins or their uncontrollable sobs when their team falls. Where most people would have pictures of loved ones, the Devoted has pictures of team members and coaches. Their car is plastered with their team’s logo.

Don’t bother trying to reach them on game day; their first child could come into the world, their house burn down, and the world perish under a fiery meteor, but the Devoted would still be in the stadium holding out hope for that next touchdown.

The Stiff - Were it not for their polite golf clap, you wouldn’t even know the Stiff was standing next to you. They don’t shout. They don’t cheer. They barely smile. They speak in low whispers. When the team scores, the Stiff just softly pats their hands together.

Honestly, the Stiff is an enigma to other fans. Why they come to the game is a mystery, as they don’t seem be particularly enjoying themselves. One theory goes that the Stiff would actually prefer to sit in a box seat but is unable to acquire one. Another theory is that the Stiff is actually a golf fan who has mistakenly found themselves at a football game. Still another theory says that the Stiff is an alien lifeform doing reconnaissance on earthling rituals and doing a poor job of blending in.

The Fairweather - The opposite of the Diehard, the Fairweather is fired up when the team is winning. They come to games and go crazy. They buy the merchandise, brag to their friends, and learn the cheers. But, at the first sign of error in the team’s performance, the Fairweather is a no-show. The banners and bumper stickers disappear. They do not stick up for their team when naysayers come their way. Often, friends catch them rooting for other teams with better records on the down-low.

For the worst combination possible, get the Fairweather together with the Devoted, and watch the Devoted turn into the Barbarian. Mark my words: keep the Fairweather as far as possible from the Devoted. The Devoted will view the Fairweather as an infidel, a personal affront to their team, and may take drastic measures to yield justice upon them.

College football fans- you gotta love ‘em. So which one are you? Which one is your favorite? What types would you add to the list?

About the author
Marcus Varner earned his BA in English from Brigham Young University with a Creative Writing emphasis. He is currently in his second year at BYU’s lauded MBA program studying Marketing. He blogs, writes fiction and screenplays, loves movies, and can’t resist playing superheroes with his kids.

After those first three steps, your resume has been elevated to the Karate Kid level. It has some skills but is still pretty weak. These next three steps will elevate your resume to the Bruce Lee or Chuck Norris level of job-search butt-kicking.

4. Put your best foot forward. No one ever says, "Put your worst foot forward." Why? Because people tend to remember what came first and forget what came last. The same is true with resumes. Employers will remember more what they read at the top of the page and less of what they read at the bottom.

This means, put your best stuff at the top of the page and let any weak things blend into the stuff near the bottom. For instance, you may have no significant job experience, but you are completing a four-year degree at a prestigious university. In this case, your education section would go at the top, with your work experience, certifications, or interests following.

Conversely, if you’ve had some great work experience but only got your GED, move your work experience section to the very top. It’s a simple concept. You want them to remember what is most outstanding about you. They will remember what went first.

5. Watch your spelling, punctuation, grammar, and formatting. Nothing can kill a good resume like a typo or bad grammar. You may be absolutely brilliant in your chosen field. You may be totally competent for the job for which you are applying. But if you allow misspellings or bad grammar to stay in your resume, you might as well put on a dunce cap, because that’s the message you’re sending to the recruiter.

I know many people struggle with spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. When, for instance, should you use a comma or a semicolon? When to capitalize or not capitalize? For people who aren’t crazy about grammar this can be a daunting task. Nevertheless, it is a necessary hoop to jump through to give you the best chance possible.

Fortunately, many books have been written on this subject. At most universities or workforce services offices, resume experts can guide you through this tangled maze. If the stakes are high, you can pay big bucks to get a resume or cover letter guru to spruce up your resume. These are typically used, however, by people moving into highly competitive industries like investment banking or the legal profession. But for average jobs, a friend, co-worker, or classmate should be able to help you out. Which takes me to the last step…

6. Get an editor. Just as Rocky had Mickey, you also must find a coach, a motivator, someone to push you beyond your endurance and hone your resume to its peak performance. This person is your editor.

After working on your resume for hours, you begin to lose perspective. You lose your ability to look at your resume objectively and make improvements. With an editor, however, you have a fresh set of eyes to notice errors and see opportunities for improvement. It’s especially helpful if your editor knows a thing or two about grammar and spelling. With two brains working on your resume, you are much more likely to eliminate any glaring mistakes and to build a resume that will wow employers.

You might be shy about showing your stuff to others. Get over it! Your future employment is at stake here. Bite the bullet, and start showing your resume to your editor.

If you’ve done these things, your resume is now a ripped, agile, job-getting force to be reckoned with. Instead of getting turned down at the door, your resume will show up, kick down the door, and demand an interview. Don’t quit now, though. Just as Rocky could never let up, neither can you. Make keeping your resume in shape a regular habit, and you will always be glad you did.

About the author

Marcus Varner earned his BA in English from Brigham Young University with a Creative Writing emphasis. He is currently in his second year at BYU’s lauded MBA program studying Marketing. He blogs, writes fiction and screenplays, loves movies, and can’t resist playing superheroes with his kids.

With the holidays right around the corner, folks are dreading the inevitable holiday pounds that will find their way to waistlines everywhere.

Today, however, I speak of a more subtle glutton, a so-called friend who is supposed to help you get a job but instead just lays there, unimpressive and ineffective. This flabby good-for-nothing is your resume.

How do you know if your resume isn’t pulling its weight? If you’ve sent your resume to several employers and not one has replied, you may have a flabby resume. If your network sees your resume and stops returning your calls, flabby resume. If you ask a friend to critique your resume and it comes back drenched in red ink, flabby resume. If your grandma reads it and gets a migraine, flabby resume.

Your resume is your first introduction to a prospective employer. A sloppy, flabby resume tells them it came from a sloppy, flabby person and soon finds its way into the circular file (that’s a trashcan, by the way). Before they’ve even seen how you dress, speak, or otherwise present yourself, your chances of getting that job have been narrowed to zero. For this reason, flabby resumes cannot be tolerated. Below are five steps to helping your resume drop unwanted pounds and become a lean, mean, job-attracting machine:

1. Control your white space. White space refers to all the space on your resume not covered with ink. Interviewers agree that the initial appearance of the resume can go a long way toward keeping employers reading. Huge chunks of white space tell an employer that you don’t have enough good points to fill one piece of paper. Too little of it just overwhelms the eyes. Your goal should be to find a good middle ground where your resume is covered evenly with ink and just enough white space to make it comfortable to read.

You can employ a few simple tricks to achieve this balance. Avoid using the justify function in MS Word as it blankets the page in words. Provide double-spacing between sections to break up the information. Each line of information should extend close to the right margin.

Also, while attempting to use your white space properly, do not resort to obvious tactics, like fonts larger than 14 pt or extemporaneous words thrown in just to make a line reach the right margin. These will be obvious to recruiters.

2. Use active verbs. In short, active verbs highlight dramatic action. The following words are active verbs: "increased," "created," "supervised," and "spearheaded." They show strong action taken. They are much better than words like "got," "was," or "had." The more powerful active verbs employers can see in your resume the more likely they are to consider you.

The key to getting these verbs noticed is to place them at the beginning of each bullet point. For example, instead of writing "Had 12,000 new signed clients within a year’s time," try this: "Signed 12,000 new clients within 12 months."

Imagine an employer is skimming down the page. If they are from a Western country, they skim down the left side. As they skim down the left side, they will see the word ’signed’ stand out and any other active verbs you’ve placed there. They may not even read the rest of the sentence; but they will forever associate you with signing clients. A lot better than being associated with something so vague as ‘had.’ In their mind, you have established yourself as an employee of action and accomplishment.

3. Tailor your job experience. You may find yourself in the position of entering a new industry or job. You may not feel that your job experience matches what they are looking for. With some word massaging, however, you can quickly tailor your job experience to catch the eye of the employer.

Let’s say, for instance, you’ve worked as an accountant, working with a client and handling their needs for a few years. Now, however, you want to transition into a marketing role. In truth, the two jobs have little in common. But there are some elements and experiences that do translate over. For example, your job has centered around knowing and managing your client’s needs. Marketing, at its most basic level, is all about reading consumers’ needs and meeting them. Can we make a connection here? Certainly. For several years you have been practicing Marketing and you didn’t even know it.

How would this look in practice? The job description may read something like this: "Monitored and met needs of clients…" If you worked with any kind of forecasting, planning, training, or supervising, translate it to Marketing. With a few changes, your resume can be changed to de-emphasize your transition and highlight your translatable skills.

Of course, don’t make stuff up. If you haven’t done anything even remotely close to your desired job, be honest and highlight your willingness to learn, passion, good looks, whatever. These are a good start.

Your resume should be looking better already. But don’t let that guy rest on his laurels. Check out Part 2 this Monday for three more steps to get your resume in tip-top shape.

About the author

Marcus Varner earned his BA in English from Brigham Young University with a Creative Writing emphasis. He is currently in his second year at BYU’s lauded MBA program studying Marketing. He blogs, writes fiction and screenplays, loves movies, and can’t resist playing superheroes with his kids.