So Tiger Woods gets in a car crash at quarter to three in the morning and now the entire world can't shut up about it. Every blogger and journalist in the world is speculating on why that event happened. So we figured we'd get in on the fun. Here are our top five explanations for the accident.
5. Violent Femme- There is speculation that Tiger Woods is cheating on his supermodel wife (and mother of his two children) with some young tramp. There is also speculation that his wife, Elin Nordegren, is putting the hurt down on Tiger for that affair, hence the smashing of the window with a golf club. This is absolutely ridiculous, mostly because no man, regardless of wealth or fame, would refuse a brutal beating at the hand of Elin Nordegren. Two words- Swedish Supermodel. Let her beat me with a golf club. That would only prove that there is a God and he has heard every one of my prayers.
4. Black Friday Shopping- You have to remember when this event happened. 2:45 AM, the day after Thanksgiving. It's not weird for Americans to be up and about and in a hurry on Black Friday. And who's to say that even a multi-millionare was willing to miss up on some of Best Buys ridiculous deals. They were practically giving stuff away. I'd probably get so excited about it that I'd wreck my Escalade too.
3. Wes Anderson Drill- Remember the scene in The Royal Tennebaums, when Ben Stiller wakes the kids up in and has them run a fire drill? Maybe Tiger is just as cautious.
2. Charlie Weis Save- Everyone, even Charlie Weis, knew that his career at Notre Dame was ending. Who's to say that Tiger wasn't just looking out for a fellow sports celebrity by taking the media heat on the day that Charlie was given a pink slip by ND? He's a good enough guy, why not?
1. Taco Bell Run- If you ask me, the world's greatest golfer went out for an early morning double-decker taco, looked down to make sure he had his 99¢ and ran into a fire hydrant. It happens to the best of us. Now if you are Tiger Woods, who makes hundreds of millions from his endorsements, you can probably afford your own personally attended Taco Bell in your house. But he's a classy guy, he's one of us (as much as a billionaire can be) and he goes to the store. Took his eyes off the road and hit a tree. Could've happened to any of us.
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